Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Web Pronounces Us "AWESOME"!

The Duke and I find ourselves a little late to the love-in that is/was/continues to be the blog awards season, though to be fair I've been tied up lately (literally, and am still applying salve to the Vicar-ious wrists and ankles), and the Duke has been vacationing in sunny Uzbekistan and only recently returned to rescue me. (Note to all mad scientist-cum-dominatrices with delusions of world conquest and an army of lucha-masked dwarf henchmen--Do. Not. Fuck. With. The. Duke. That sword-cane with the Gilded Gonads of Gilgamesh handle is NOT just for decoration!) As a result, we've thus far neglected to acknowledge our friends and colleagues who have seen fit to grace our humble offerings with laurels and accolades. It's an oversight we aim to rectify, toot sweet.

Our first thank-you goes to Ms. Horror Blogosphere 2009 herself, BJ-C of Day of the Woman, who awarded us the prestigious Zombie Chicken Award. According to the by-laws, The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken – excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. Which may be the nicest thing anyone's said to me since the great-granddaughter of Maria Ouspenskaya assured me that her Mee-maw "would totally have done you, Vicar." Thanks, BJ-C, for the much appreciated recognition!

Our second shout-out goes to the honorable Al Bruno III, who declared Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies "One Lovely Blog," and gave us an award to that effect. If you aren't following Al's twitter feed, you're missing out on his awesome and entertaining "5-Second Fictions," 140 character or less narratives that have more stylistic punch than anything Hemingway could put to paper--especially since the old man's been dead for so long. Thanks, Al! You're rather fetching yourself! Check out The Wit and Weirdness of Al Bruno III here.

And finally, we'd like to nod our heads in humble gratitude to the gentleman scholar and anthropomorphized symbol of all that is great in American and World Cinema, Samuel Wilson of Mondo 70: A Wild World of Cinema, a blog that every Mad Movie fan should have on his or her blogroll. The esteemed Mr. Wilson awarded us the Kreativ Blogger Award. Bask in its wire-frame CG goodness:

Because the Duke and I took so long to get round to displaying these prizes on our ornately carved marble mantels, most people in the blogosphere have already received awards for their excellence; and of those who remain, we really hate to play favorites and risk leaving anyone out. Therefore we have decided to pass all three of these awards on to every single person in the blogosphere who has ever watched a crazy Eurotrash or American Grindhouse sleazefest and been moved to grasp tightly their quills and shake out a glee-sticky review. You hear that, people? YOU'RE ALL WINNERS IN OUR BOOK!

But since we know our parishioners and subjects have thirst for knowledge about the enigmatic figures behind these blogs, we've decided to abide by half the Kreativ Award rules by sharing "Seven Interesting Things" about ourselves. And because he's much more the cultural historian than I am, I now turn this blog entry over to The Duke of DVD, who had forgotten more about us than I'll ever know. Take it away, Duke!

*At this point, the Duke comes staggering through the door, simultaneously fondling a busty Hooters waitress with one hand and trying to take the trousers off of a diminutive Indonesian teen boy with the other. Shoving them both away in sudden disgust, he drunkenly denounces all involved with the preparation of food at the Denny's corporation, and then sinks down on a lounge chair which is covered in silk peacocks.*

Ok, thank you Vicar. Instead of sounding our collective barbaric yawps across the rooftops of the world by doing 7 Interesting Things for both of us, I'll instead cull the list down to just 7 Things total, thus saving you all from priapism and self-loathing.

Seven Interesting Things about The Vicar of VHS and The Duke of DVD

#7 - The Vicar once strangled a blind Polynesian monk over a disagreement about Wonder Woman's bra size.

#6 - The Duke won a local Romanian wenching contest 3 years in a row during the late 80's by bedding the most wenches in a 12 hour period. His record still stands at 537 wenches.

#5 - Both The Duke and The Vicar are ordained priests in a splinter sect of Gaulish Druidism focusing on metempsychosis and the bedding of horny nuns.

#4 - The Vicar has a tattoo of Paul Naschy seeing bitches in chains across his back. He also has a tattoo of 50 Cent holding a 9mm handgun etched into his coin purse.

#3 - Every year during Saturnalia, The Duke drops a 14" golden phallus into the Salvation Army donation tub located outside Macy's.

#2 - The Vicar once consumed twice his own body weight in Peeps(tm).

#1 - Both The Duke and The Vicar absolutely love the job of bringing you, our loyal readers, to the very edge of MADness with our reviews, beckoning you with a smile to look over the edge, whereupon we rudely kick you into the abyss, your soul then being slowly devoured over eons by those from beyond time.

Thanks again to everyone, and apologies if we missed any! SET THE PIGEONS LOOSE!


Anonymous said...

Twice his body weight in Peeps?!! Good Lord that's alot, considering how light and fluffy those things are (unless you eat the sugar that falls off them and rolls around in the cardboard box; that can add to the weight!

"Gilded Gonads of Gilgamesh" -- priceless alliteration!

Congrats you two! I'm especially jealous of the "One Lovely Blog" award -- pink roses are so pretty....

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, gentlemen! I can't think of 3 (or any) more apropos awards... Kreativ Lovely Chicken. Well done!

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