Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Happy Birthday to the Duke of DVD!

While Leo DiCaprio, Demi Moore, and Stanley Tucci plan their natal soirees, and Calista Flockhart poses for Jonathan Winters' abstract paintings in honor of his homeland of Ork, while Lazarus von Waldstein and Dump Matsumoto put the finishing touches on the constitution of the Union of Awesomely Named Artists born on Veteran's Day, and any of the literally dozens of adult film stars spawned on this date ply their sweaty trade in their literal birthday suits, the Vicar of VHS would like to take a moment to commemorate the hour in a year now lost to the mists of time, when on a craggy rock in Twatt, Scotland, overlooking a brackish pool that locals claim is the very Devil's Pisspot, a lonely girl convulsed in horror under an Autumn moon and gave birth to the steaming, gore-streaked bundle of perverse joy that would one day become THE DUKE OF DVD!

The Duke Enjoys His Gift from the Vicar: The Sinful Dwarf Strip-o-Gram

Happy birthday, my fiend, and many happy returns!

As our present to you, a few of the Duke's Greatest Hits!
And many many more!


Tenebrous Kate said...

Happy birthday, Duke! Here's to many pervy returns :) These ladies will be swinging by your estate later this evening for a very special show just for you:


Kitty LeClaw said...

Bonne fĂȘte!

The Duke of DVD said...

Thank you all!

Once more, the planets have aligned, ill winds blow through empty streets as parents huddle inside, clutching their children tightly. Fell beasts move silently through darkened forests, their black talons tearing the spongy loam in anticipation. Virgins feel their pulse quicken as lusty thoughts invade their wanton minds. Old women stab forked fingers at the air and mumble hushed cantrips while facing east. All know this momentous day, and despair!

Incidentally, I'm registered at both Simon's Naughty Bits and at Best Buy. Gifts combining the two of these will cause me to look at you and perhaps smile, thus validating your existence.

@Kate, tell those, um, ladies that I expect freshly-pressed habits. I'll have a servant re-grease the Slip'n'Slide.

ThatQuebecGuy said...

Happy birthday to you! I may not comment very often, but I still read your blog like some kind of religious fanatic. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

A Scorpio! And from Twatt! Ill portents indeed.
As with all, your fate was determined at the moment of birth, my Plutonic friend. Your predilection for nuns both domineering and acquiescent, your fondness for potent ale, the immediacy in your life of a religious figure, your dark obsession with the swarthy Latin male - all are as germane to your being as ham is to a pig. You can escape none of it.
But then why would you want to?
Hope you had the happiest of days!

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