Happy Birfday, Vicar!

Today the Vicar of VHS turns an indeterminable age, and thus we must celebrate with wanton abandon or face his wrath. However, before we all strip off our clothes and engage in lascivious conduct, let us all reflect upon the man we all know and love with a few choice tidbits about his life.

- The Vicar's birth was foretold by prophecy in the year 305 A.D. by a blind pederast monk living in the hollowed-out carcass of a wildebeest which had died of loneliness.

- As a youngster, the Vicar's daily routine involved stoning widowed gypsies and creating fired-clay, blasphemously-rendered religious icons.

- Young adulthood saw the Vicar's rise to power, which was aided by the sudden death of every single one of his rivals. As it turns out, his "rivals" consisted of most of the population of Hungary and Romania.

- The Vicar attributes his long, unnatural life to hourly sexual release, but popular rumor speaks of profane pacts with powerful entities. Personally, I happen to know he is a member of Jenny Craig.

- Finally, the Vicar once ate 102 marshmallow Peeps(tm) and then immediately deflowered 11 serving girls before finally eating 4 whole chickens and downing a carafe of frog squeezin's. This was before he got out of bed on that particular day.

Happy Birthday, Vicar!